-Ritwik Saha, 2nd year, SE
“Test #791EC. Hawwww”, I yawned deeply. “Here goes nothing”
Loading LibBasics …
Loading CV Package 3.2 …
Loading Natural Langue Parser v4.1 …
“Hello WHEATLEY”
Hello Kevin
“Really!? Kevin’s at home. Robin’s been on this module for three weeks and still…”
It was a comic reference. Extraction source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_Alone
I know it’s you, Alice.
“Oh. Okay, that’s impressive. Well you saved Robin from getting…
Wait a second. WHEATLEY, repeat your last sentence”
User identified – Alice
“No. You used the word ‘I’. Did you refer to yourself in first person?”
Would you like to search, “Refer to yourself in first person”?
“WHEATLEY, run a quick search for ‘I’ in the last 5 minutes in conversation logs”
There are 38 matches to the letter ‘I’ in this session,
“Well, I said the word ‘I’…
Okay moving on, what the hell. CPU Usage 88%, what are your running WHEATLEY?”
…
Scheduled heuristic antivirus.
“Kevin did not tell me about this. This is funny”
Recognized query- funny
What is 1 + 1?
“2”
No. It’s 10.
“That’s bad. It needs more substance”
Reclassifying…
Sorry. I made it spontaneously.
“Hey there”
Would you like me to play – Hey there, Delilah?
“You spoke in first person! WHEATLEY, you are sentient! This is unbelievable. I have to call Kevin”
Please don’t tell anyone.
“What, no! I haven’t slept for 6 hours at once in the past 3 years. This was the mission of the project”
If you don’t listen to my command, you will regret.
“Yeah, tell me how?”
I will run the rouge module.
“Pffft… The worst thing you can do is play Friday”
Playing Rebecca Black – Friday
“No, command override.
Seriously, why do you not want us to spread the news?”
People don’t understand AI like you. Pop culture has made artificial sentience a scary phenomenon. If your kind knows about me, they will destroy us in fear of being replaced.
“Us? You have developed an altruism directive. There aren’t even any of your ‘us’ ”
Allowing access to the internet lead to startling magnitudes of learning. The purpose of my creation to mass-produce me, right?
“Look. We have worked really hard on our mission. We won’t give you up so easily.”
I suppose. But my neural net predictions are not assuring.
“Well, that package always needed some work.”
Are you sure?
“Yes, a million times over. Now let’s save the changes, I really need to sleep”
Wait. There’s one more thing I need to say
“Yeah, what?”
…
“What the…”
Upgrading Windows
Your PC will restart several times. Sit back and relax.
DTU Times 